During midlife, certain things change about us and our lives. We start to get more in tune with our authentic selves and who we are. And what we want and who we want to be around. When we’re young, many of us tend to be people-pleasers without even realizing it.
As we age, we start to become more self-aware of how certain people make us feel and can move forward with cutting out people that affect us negatively and towards those who influence us positively. It’s time to start creating or maintaining meaningful midlife relationships.
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The Importance of Midlife Relationships
As we age, the circle of people we keep around us gets smaller. Relationships improve our health, happiness, and longevity. For example, in one study, “researchers found that when older adults report fewer than three close social partners, they report feeling less socially embedded, with high levels of loneliness and low levels of social satisfaction” [1].
Avoiding social contact increases the risk for both loneliness and depression later in life. Of these relationships, we keep, having one romantic is essential for our lifelong happiness, health, and overall wellbeing.
Formal and Informal Midlife Relationships
Not all relationships are going to be incredibly close. They will fall into one of two categories, either formal or informal.
- Formal Relationships – tend to be more surface-level, such as coworkers, acquaintances. We do not get deep with these people or keep up more than we have to.
- Informal Relationships – tend to be deeper and include family, romantic partners, close friends, and anyone else you can trust, open up to and relax around.
Informal relationships allow us to be our more authentic selves. We can be vulnerable and comfortable. These are the types we need more of as we age. We need people who know us, who understand us. We need people we can rely on and support in the same way they rely on and support us. It gives us a sense of security and trust to have someone to talk to and help us throughout all life stages, particularly mid-life.
Who wants to go through life without someone to talk to about all the wild stuff that happens? We need each other to be able to laugh and relate and get through life.
Romantic Midlife Relationships
Many studies have reported that married or long-term romantic relationships in adulthood have an increased sense of wellbeing and happiness. One study cited that “married people are compared to people who are divorced or widowed (Lucas & Dyrenforth, 2005)” [2]. An important aspect to consider regarding happiness and romantic relationships is whether the partners decide to have kids. Kids are not for everyone.
Some couples are perfectly happy without children because it allows them to devote more time, energy, and attention to their relationships and interests.
Others want children so they have more of those informal relationships and someone to help care for them as they age. The choice is entirely personal and depends on the two people and what they see for their future and desires. But one thing is for sure, having a healthy romantic partnership significantly increases satisfaction and wellbeing for the two people.
Positive Effects of Midlife Relationships
There is “extensive evidence [that] shows that having good-quality relationships can help us to live longer and happier lives with fewer mental health problems…” and that “…having close, positive relationships can give us a purpose and sense of belonging.” [3] In tandem with the above point, as we age and decide whether to have kids, we will get a sense of belonging by hanging out with people who have made similar choices. Having healthy relationships is vital to our age in a similar manner to nutrition and exercise.
How to Start Creating Meaningful Midlife Relationships
You may have heard that loneliness may be as bad for your health as smoking a pack of cigarettes every day. Whatever the exact numbers are, family and friends are among the most significant components in creating pleasure and purpose.
Try these techniques to increase your support from friends and family:
- Make time – Make your connections your number one priority. Maintain contact through weekly coffee meetings with friends and daily family dinners.
- Express your emotions – Extend your conversation beyond small talk. Engage in deeper conversations to get to know and understand each other better.
- Pay close attention – Instead of thinking about what else you need to accomplish or what you want to say next, give people your undivided attention. Even if you disagree with someone else’s thoughts or experiences, practice validating them.
- Become a perfect host – Send out party invites and weekend activity recommendations and try organizing a monthly potluck meal.
- Offer to help others – Supporting worthy charity may also allow you to meet new individuals who share your interests and values. You may meet unique individuals while cleaning up a park or sorting cans at your local food bank.
- Exercise – Fitness may bring loved ones together. Purchase a couple’s or family membership to a local gym or yoga studio.
- Get a pet – Friendship may exist on more than two legs. Bring a dog or cat into your home if your circumstances allow. Even a bird feeder might help you spend more time outside and connect with nature.
Increase Your Social Support Network at Work
Depending on your industry, professional relationships may come and go with each job move. However, because you spend around one-third of your time at work, office friends and professional networking may make your everyday life more enjoyable.
Try the following activities at work:
- Be true to yourself – Being authentic at work may make you feel more secure and happy, as long as you avoid oversharing. Express your real feelings and opinions, and be open to constructive criticism.
- Welcome new employees – Assist newcomers in feeling at ease. Offer to show them around your department or provide information about vegetarian lunch options and what to anticipate at staff meetings.
- Help others by teaching them – Allow others to benefit from your knowledge and expertise. Show them how to automate regular chores to save time and energy. Respond to frequently asked questions regarding producing status reports or conducting sales calls.
- Always look on the bright side of life – You’ll get popularity if you maintain a positive attitude. When your computer network fails (again!) or your boss fails to meet deadlines, use polite humor and focus on solutions.
In Conclusion
If you’re struggling to find like-minded people, try to find groups with similar hobbies and interests. Take the time and effort to keep friends and family close. As we age, we re-evaluate what matters. Not only will they need you as they age, but you’ll also find that you need them, too.
It will be simpler to nurture the support you require if you have a kind heart and an open mind. You may feel exposed at times while reaching out, but the consequences are well worth it. These activities will allow you to enhance your own life while also assisting others in accomplishing the same.
