After reading It’s Not A Midlife Crisis, It’s An Opportunity: How to be forty- or fifty-something without going off the rails by Andrew G Marshall, this is my review.
Table of Contents
Overview
Suppose you’re fed up with life, questioning whether you should stay married or thinking you might be better with someone else. In that case, marital therapist Andrew G. Marshall has a radical idea to help you move from the first half to the second of your life without messing everything up. In part one, the book explores three central propositions you need to consider and why everybody else is distracting themselves and avoiding facing them:
- How to put what’s happening now into the context of your whole life journey.
- How to avoid the tempting short-cuts that cause more heartache in the long term.
- Why if you pass this mid-life test everything is up from here.
Part two of the book focuses on your partner. If it’s your partner who has turned grumpy, critical, and blames you for everything, you will be feeling alone and full of despair. Don’t worry, in part two of this compassionate book, he explains:
- A whole new vocabulary for discussing the mid-life crisis without putting your partner’s back up.
- What’s really going on in your partner’s head.
- What causes depression and how to help.
- Five killer replies to the blocks that stop you from talking properly about your marriage.
About the author
With over 35 years of expertise in counseling couples and individuals, Andrew G. Marshall has produced twenty books to share his knowledge with others. I Love You But I’m Not in Love With You is also written by the author, and it has become an international best-seller. The author has also written two volumes of memoirs and several pieces for publications such as the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday, and The Daily Telegraph, among other publications.
The author has also made guest appearances on TV shows such as This Morning and Lorraine Kelly Today and radio shows such as Jeremy Vine on BBC Radio 2.
Book review
The book is written from the author’s personal midlife and professional experience. The audience for this book is those of us who are middle-aged in our 40s or 50s. The suggests that we’re probably wondering, is my relationship in crisis or rapidly heading that way? We have stopped communicating, and I am either treading on eggshells or angry. Is it too late to explain how I feel?
The book quickly reminds us that the stakes are high during midlife. We’re still parenting, our parents may have died or require care. We fear death and aging. And to cap it all, there is no roadmap. The few signposts that exist are controversial. We’ve arrived at the so-called midlife crisis. The term midlife crisis may put your back up or make you feel blamed.
Whatever side of the discussion we take, the book contains a bold notion. It’s not a midlife crisis; it’s an opportunity. In other words, we have the chance to learn, grow, and improve our lives for the better.
Over the course of this book, the author relies on his own mistakes, disappointments, and heartbreaks to demonstrate that he has walked in your shoes. The author draws on his significant experience as a marital therapist in assisting couples when one, or often both, partners have gone off the rails in their midlife, with disastrous consequences.
The book tackles a new facet of middle-age life in each chapter, such as career challenges, depression, affairs, and aging. The author successfully explains what is really going on; shares pertinent scientific research and current psychological and philosophical ideas; introduces practical activities to help the reader deal better; and teaches the new abilities required to move forward.
The book is divided into three sections. The first is written for people questioning their life, their relationship, and everything. The second is for their partners who are coping with the fallout. Whichever side you’re on, please read all three parts as this will help you understand your partner better, and that’s an important ingredient for breaking the deadlock.
In part three, there is advice about negotiating through any differences between you and your partner. The book also introduces three key concepts that will either change your marriage into the connected, fulfilling and loving relationship you’ve always dreamed of or allow you to separate amicably and be great co-parents together. Good news either way.
Quotes from the book
Instead of learning how to tune into their own needs and express them clearly to their partner, they can withdraw, become angry and act out their unhappiness by flirting with a colleague or starting an affair. Instead of learning that caring for others is only fulfilling if you also look after yourself, they can easily slide into depression.
Marshall, Andrew G.. It’s Not A Midlife Crisis, It’s An Opportunity: How to be forty- or fifty-something without going off the rails (pp. 53-54). Marshall Method Publishing. Kindle Edition.
True love – rather than the crazy stuff they were talking about on that radio show – only happens when we stop believing our partners are the great other and we embrace them in all their complexity, rather than how we might like them to be; when we see them as separate individuals, rather than simply the object of our desire.
Marshall, Andrew G.. It’s Not A Midlife Crisis, It’s An Opportunity: How to be forty- or fifty-something without going off the rails (p. 121). Marshall Method Publishing. Kindle Edition.
Becoming a full adult involves a move from being fragmented (for example, acting one way at work and one way at home) to being more whole (and facing your shadows).
Marshall, Andrew G.. It’s Not A Midlife Crisis, It’s An Opportunity: How to be forty- or fifty-something without going off the rails (p. 144). Marshall Method Publishing. Kindle Edition.
Conclusion
Therapist Andrew G. Marshall’s highly recommended book helps you move from the first half to the second half of your life. Part one explores three central propositions you need to consider. Part two of the book focuses on your partner and how to help them through their mid-life crisis. In part three, there is advice about negotiating through any differences between you and your partner.
The book tackles a new facet of middle-age life in each chapter, such as career challenges, depression, affairs, and aging. Author draws on his significant experience as a marital therapist to demonstrate that he has walked in your shoes. The book also introduces three key concepts that will either change your marriage or allow you to separate amicably.
Each chapter introduces practical excercises to help the reader.
How to get a copy
You can purchase a copy here: It’s Not A Midlife Crisis, It’s An Opportunity: How to be forty- or fifty-something without going off the rails by Andrew G. Marshall.
